Being a mum is bloody exhausting and so many of us don’t know what to do when motherhood becomes overwhelming. I am trying to write the best analogy to motherhood, but I can’t think straight. Maybe it’s because I’m sleep deprived, maybe it’s because I’m hungry or maybe it’s both! Combined with this this icky, sticky, uncomfortable feeling of being OVERWHELMED!!
I find myself in overwhelm town every week. Sometimes it’s daily but usually 3 times a week. I don’t stay long in that town. Sometimes it’s just passing through and other times I head to seedy pub and have a cold one. There is nothing great in this town; the air is thick, and the footpaths are cluttered with papers, rubbish and bits n bobs. It also smells and there’s no great coffee shops. It’s not a place I enjoy but week after week I find myself here.
Being a mother and stepmother to a big tribe of 4 can be overwhelming in itself so it’s no wonder this town creeps up. Every child has their own quirks, needs, wants and desires that my hubby and I have to navigate. We are also a blended family which brings another layer to the parenting game and other parents to communicate with and co-parent with (I must add though we are very blessed to be able to coparent so well together as a team!) but this part is just our kids. I still have my marriage to pour into, my work, my friendships and family that live in another state. It’s tricky…
At some point along my journey, I realized that i had to do something. I had to do something so when I got to overwhelm town, I didn’t get lost it or stay too long in it.
Emotions are places we need to visit and sit in it; they just aren’t places we should stay in.
Here is what I believe mothers need to do when motherhood becomes overwhelming
- Say it!
Announce it like you’re on a steam train and the conductor yells NEXT STOP! Say it out loud. If you’ve never done the ‘name it to tame it game’ of emotions, then this will feel super awkward. But do it anyways. Saying it is the first step to acknowledging it.
- Drop to the ground and ground
My eldest boys Aunty actually gave me this tool and it works!! When you recognize you’re overwhelmed, go outside to the backyard and drop to the ground. Tell your family you’re grounding so they know not to disturb mum and just sit there. There is nothing better than a bit of grounding to tame the overwhelm and help you find the exit back home.
- Play that funky music
Music has a powerful way of affecting our emotional state. Create a happy playlist, put it on loud and dance it out. Dishes can wait while you lower your cortisol levels!
- Draw your thoughts
Doodle and sketch your thoughts and feelings. Give them a place to live, a shape, a colour and name to it.
- Time blocking
Sometimes I end up in overwhelm because I don’t have any rhyme or reason to my week and then everything starts to crumble. I’m unable to be present with each task because I’m too much in my head thinking about everything else and thinking I can’t do it all but i have to do it all! Time blocking gives me my rhyme and reason for everything and gives Me that sense of control in the things that matter.
- Good ol fashion to-do lists!
Lists are my besties. They allow you to prioritize your tasks in order of priority or whatever works for you and they stop you starting a bunch of tasks and not finishing them.
- Create a relaxation habit!
What can you do that doesn’t take a long time, is easily accessible and leaves you feeling relaxed? Whatever it is, make it available no matter where you are
- Radical acceptance
This isn’t fun and it’s hard to do. Overwhelm can happen when we fight our reality and as a result of that, we try to control every. Little. Thing. We need to accept what is and what is out of our control to stop overloading our mind with things that will only put us on the road map to overwhelm.
Remember Mamma, overwhelm is a normal feeling. You’re not crazy or a ‘bad mother’ for feeling that way and needing a break. You are doing the best you can with what you know and what you have and that is a bloody good mother!
Last thing, overrwhelm is a town that ALL MOTHERS visit. Just don’t book a room and stay the night.
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In love and light
Amy
